Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Nearly there

 "Yell into the belly of the Earth", she told me, "she will listen and ease your aching sorrows". I yelled until I was hoarse. I was twenty-one. Burdens fell from careworn shoulders and we were sisters ever more. 

The other day a friend entrusted me with a Kabbalistic myth. In the telling, 144 souls were created at the dawn of time. Those 144 souls eventually splintered into the multitudinous fragments of sentient life on planet Earth. Now I look out upon the mosaic of life and believe that my kindred spirits are my clearest reflections of the original soul from which we sprang.  

Now she travels the final steps along the sharp, stony terrain of cancer, I walk with her, my heart aching.  I see ahead a field, beautiful and inviting, with tall grass, clear skies, shade trees and a small bubbling creek nearby. There are ample places to rest.  She is tired.  I say, softly, lean on me, we're nearly there.

This grief has settled in and it's not what I expected. It's not the sharp, growling grief of suffering, but a sweet, tender sadness held in generous arms of love.  Of course, even in my sister's departure I am held.
I love you Michelle.
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1 comment:

Stefanie Lawhorn said...

Beautifully written, thank you for sharing..
Michelle was a my cousin from her dad's side of her family. I had recently re-connected with Michelle as I was up in Prescott interviewing for a position at the Y camp. We missed each other that day but layer reconnected by phone, texts emails an occasionally fb messaging. She told me of her fight with breast cancer and that treatments were going well, she told me she was getting stronger but started asking me about how I was doing and how my father, get uncle Kenny was doing, we talked about her son and my daughter and Prescott aling with many other things. I am just truly heartbroken right now and don't know the words to say... I feel guilt, but greatfull that I was able to reconnect with her even if for a short time.. I miss her so much already! I can feel the love you and her friends have for her and find comfort in that.. Glad Michelle is no longer in pain and know there are many amazing people who greeted her on the other side that lived her too. Thanks again Angelina for sharing your writings and love you have for Michelle...
RIP my dear cousin, love you forever..
Stefanie