Tuesday, September 30, 2008

picture day

Today was picture day at Owen's school and he was dressed for the occasion... going for the prep look. He said the photographers exclaimed that he took a perfect picture. Never one to be outdone, we had our own little impromptu back yard photo shoot with Bodhi riding roughshot.
Mr. Serious looking alot like his Dad.

Bodhi practicing his circus routine...

Owen's favorite shot..

How does this thing work anyway?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

ode to fall

leaves laugh color
on azure sky

heave and sigh
on singing wind

final dance
before winter's sleep

hungry eyes
eat autumn feast.

fall celebrations

What a magical day! Owen, Bodhi and I set out for the great outdoors to celebrate the change of seasons and to honor the elementals we so adore. Owen and I got up early this morning and created this fairy house. Owen gathered leaves and flowers from the yard. Meanwhile Bodhi and I prepared corn muffins and a big fruit salad for our picnic. When all was prepared we drove South to Roxborough State Park.
We wandered for some time before discovering the perfect spot to place our gift. Once we discovered the location, Owen became quite reverent and said a heartfelt prayer/blessing to the spirits of the wild that give us so much.

As we walked back he told me that this was one the most spiritual moments of his young life.

Bodhi just enjoyed getting wild and having fun.

On our way home, we drove west of Morrison to the Lair of the Bear wilderness and played in the water
...and savored the changing leaves.

A lovely day.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Friday night was a blur of wild boy energy... this morning was a tornado of the same... with Owen's two buddies spending the night over, Bodhi feeling left out, and Shane and I suffering from an emotional/mental hangover due to last nights debate.


The boys plotting the take over of the world.

My newest apron --- the bird...created for school.

And one more shot...

Have a great weekend everyone....

Sunday, September 21, 2008


I sat in meditation. It was morning, early by my standards. Bodhi sang his little boy songs at my feet, humming a "vrroooom", "vrrrrrooooomm", with his wooden cars and an "OUCH" as he turned them unceremoniously onto their sides. Our cat Eli, purred enthusiastically on my right, in a lusty bid for attention. Owen lay ensconced in his bed, playing his banned gameboy beneath the covers, thrilled by his own daring, while Shane slept, wide mouthed, beneath a downy comforter. I finished my inspirational reading. I closed my eyes for the minute or two afforded me, each morning. I breathed. I opened. I breathed again. Bodhi put his head on my lap and Eli nudged closer, while the gentle sound of snoring and forbidden gameboys echoed in the back ground. A soft smile overtook my face. I opened my eyes. I picked up Bodhi, he hugged me briefly, arched his back and called, "DOWN". Eli nuzzled closer, I stroked the soft white tuft of fur behind his head, twice, before he bit me (that's Eli). I stared out the window. The window! The windows were filthy, water spotted and a mess. I continued to look out the window, savoring these few moments of inactivity and then it dawned on me, "My meditation windows are filthy!". Well the irony of this wasn't lost on me. I grabbed my glass cleaner and cloth. Like a hybridized zen monk and obsessive compulsive clean freak, I washed the inside windows. Bodhi worked at my side, his little hands navigated a small cloth, smearing the windows with pride. I went outside. I spritzed and wiped away the grime while Bodhi laughed at me from the other side. I smiled. I was focused and thorough. I thought to myself "I am cleaning the window of my soul, I am washing clean my own eyes", quotes from the Buddha and Christ surfaced in my mind as I labored... I was happy. I admired my work from the outside, with more than a little egotistic abandon. I came in. Bodhi met me at the door. Together we stood and stared at my handiwork. My mouth dropped. The windows were filthy... smeared and streaked. I stood there, all my ironies dancing to the forefront and then I began to laugh. I laughed until my stomach hurt. I laughed until I was done. I stood up straight again and surveyed my handiwork. At that moment Bodhi lifted his precious arms to me and said, "Poop, Mama, poooop", while emanating a breathtaking odor. I swooped him up, tickled his belly and my real meditations began.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

walking the path

I am staring into the face of 35, it is coming, not here yet but I can hear its footfalls approaching down the hallways of time. They don't seem to be skipping either, they seem to be plodding in my direction. That alone is enough to make me shift uncomfortable in my proverbial seat, however instead, I am staring, clear eyed at the face in the mirror, with the lines and furrows, each one reminding me of the road and occasional hardships that marked the way. It is interesting. Getting older carries a unique set of questions and conundrums. The twenties seemed marked by infinite possibilities and disproportionate dramas. Without the frame of reference granted a person through years of living, every little thing loomed large, every break up... unbearable, every joy...all encompassing. The thirties are different. I feel a more solid foundation beneath my shifting feet, certain that this too will pass...what ever "this too" may be. Yet my horizon seems to be shrinking. I no longer believe that I can do all the many incongruent things I once imagined. For instance, I don't think the wandering, gypsy can reconcile herself with the Montessori teacher, mate and mother of two boys. I no longer believe that I will become a great sweeping academic astounding the multitudes with my brilliance, nor do I imagine that my art will move mountains and gain great acclaim. I doubt that I will write the next great American novel, nor do I imagine that I will be a great saint, clad in white and raising the dead. No, I am somewhere else, on a path that is uniquely mine and somewhat mundane. I don't know where it will lead or even the terrain through which I will travel. But I do know that somehow I set foot on a distinct path, without really noticing it and I am walking sometimes blindly, occasionally wisely in the direction of my own making.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The weather is turning fallish around here and as a family of dramatists we were FREEZING. The boys found a solution to the dropping thermometer... this picture illustrates the result.

Friday, September 12, 2008

"Have faith in yourself and it will happen,
Have faith in yourself and it will happen,
Have faith in yourself and it will happen,
And the World will come to you,
And the World will come to you,
A song created by Owen after a candlelight dessert of rice cream. Imagine the song sung with full lung gusto and accompanied by fast foot family dancing.
(Shane is off in the wilds of Colorado for the evening enjoying himself on a manly solo adventure. While we are home, burning candles and sweet grass, dancing, singing and blaring Beethoven. Yeah we know we're the epitome of cool.)

Thoughtful Fridays

I have been reading a book by Ethan Hubbard, entitled Grandfathers Gift: A Journey to the Heart of the World. It is a powerful book, filled with simple vignettes and essays that provide a poignant and often eloquent window opening onto the lives of ordinary individuals the world over. I read each persons story with the reverence of a prayer and the sweetness of a caress. When I was very young, I determined that I would travel, see the world and its many ways of living. Not for some grandiose purpose(I was probably seven when I first became impassioned by the idea), but because somewhere embedded deep in my soul, I felt that if I were to travel, to see the faces of the multitudes, to experience their lives, to walk on their path, however briefly... then compassion would reveal itself to me in all its splendor. Not compassion born of gratitude for the many blessings in my life, but rather compassion that evolves when the boundary between "self" and "other" blurs. When the "reality" of my upbringing, no longer holds sway and the vision of "MY TRUTH" waivers before the luminosity of life itself. I remember a quote I read years ago when I was tipping my years toward the teens, "Belief is the greatest impediment to true knowing". It was this notion that cemented my desire to travel.
I didn't though.
I could easily dismiss this by enumerating a thousand things, great and small, that made staying seem necessary, even inevitable...but that wouldn't be honest. When I really look at myself and my relationship to my life, I realize that I've become tame. Tame in that I am comfortable with the reality I live in...with its warm bed and reliable meals, with its softness and convenience, with its numbing predictability and fearful security. Believe me, I am appalled to admit this. I haven't traveled as my young self assured me I would, in large part because it frightened me... the unknowns, the dangers, the lack of this or that.
But reading this book, is like hearing her voice, determined and resilient ...beckoning.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

A sore throat.
I went to the Doctor today. I had to get my annual check up for work and I actually have been quite sick with a sore throat, so the timing was perfect. I went in. I spent about 10 minutes with my Doctor. Who couldn't diagnose my throat because it wasn't strep, but looked bad. I got my blood pressure checked...fine. I got my breast exam... fine. I was weighed...none of your business. I was then sent to an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist upstairs. I spent a total of 5 minutes with him. "Yep, you've got an infection in there. Gonna need a heavy dose of antibiotics and should probably get those out when you get insurance". All of these things I knew upon going in. ALL OF THEM. Yet I left with my bank account 500$ lighter, 500$. I keep writing it. I can't believe it (No I don't have insurance). It seems an excessive price to pay for common sense and a prescription.
Where is the Doc of old, who comes to my house, who knows me, who may have delivered me into this world, who knows my family and actually may even CARE about me. Those days are gone. We have made all these advances in medicine but we have given up so much more. It is a sad thing indeed.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

My happiest moment of the day, is often this final hour, when my boys are curled up beside me(Owen got to fall asleep in my bed tonight). In these moments, I am reminded of the magic in my life.

Monday, September 8, 2008

The Botanical Gardens opened the gates to the 2008 corn maze and we were among the first to arrive. The maze is so complicated this year, we became thoroughly lost for two hours and never actually made it through the maze. Infact, it grew dark and I accosted a gentleman working in the maze to get us !@#$% out. Shane could have continued in the maze for several more hours, but with two families and a combined net of SEVEN children, the mamas were ready to see the exit(well we never actually saw the exit we left through the entrance, obviously we hadn't gotten very far).

The kids are revved up to begin.

Rochelle takes the lead.
My view over the corn maze walls.
Shane and Miguel attempt to access a GPS map on the new iphone to navigate with...no luck, although Shane did manage to pinpoint our location in last years maze.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

One of my dearest friends sent this to me.
I don't know why, but looking at it makes me feel close to God.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Thoughtful Fridays

Keep a weathered eye out for the good on your horizon and the world will baffle you with its possibilities.

Dolphin play bubble rings

This little video clip is so beautiful. Owen and I watched it over and over, completely in love with these beautiful creatures who seem inherently, so much wiser than their two legged counterparts.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Owen and I, cut up a few old t-shirts this morning before school. He made a number of headbands and wristbands. He put three on his wrist before we ran out of time. He looked quite hip in his modified wardrobe and blue low top converse. What a kid!

Monday, September 1, 2008

pie face

So I made a deal with Owen, years ago, that if he ever learned to ride his bike he could throw a cream pie in my face. Owen, never one to forget a promise, has learned to ride a bike and I took a lovely pie in the face. Never one to suffer alone I promptly kissed the poor boy and wiped as much onto him as possible. Everyone laughed, except Bodhi, who stared on in horror with a tear stricken face. He recovered once he saw that the damage was only temporary.

We spent the weekend celebrating Baba and Mojo's birthday, in mountain style. Early Saturday morning (well kind of early) we drove up past Nederland to the cabin. The weather greeted us in resplendent verdent hues and the simplicity of cabin life slowed each of us down (except Bodhi of course). Shane pitched our enormous tent in front of the cabin, while the Grand's cozied up inside.

Owen paraded around, looking dashing, and having some unseen pokemon battle, completely oblivious to the doings of those around him.

Bodhi caught Baba trying to nap on the deck (God forbid) and promptly put an end to that.

The boys went mushroom hunting and found several large boletus edulis, which we sauteed for supper on Sunday.

Bodhi kept the family in shape, by running hither, thither and yon with unlikely speed and agility.

Baba, Mojo and Bodhi have an early AM chat.

Bodhi engaged in his favorite activity...eating!

We all went on a family hike through the stunning beauty of the Indian Peaks wilderness. It was a magical hike and a glorious day!

Owen discovered a fairy house and with an excited reverence, bent down to converse with his elemental pals.

The boys, hand in hand, walking back to the car. What a spectacular weekend, packed full of radiant moments, laughter and love.