Tuesday, January 31, 2012

If asked what my most pleasant memories of youth had in common, I would answer without hesitation ... NATURE!  In a world that seems more in need of human connection to the natural world than ever, it is my hope to inspire a measure of awe and wonder in the vastness of the world we inhabit, unplugged and uncensored, in the hearts of my boys.
With this in mind, Bodhi and I went scat hunting.  A favorite game of my mom's and now one of my personal fav's.  Bodhi only gagged a few times but was thoroughly interested and enthused.
 We also spotted some tracks we thought might belong to a fox (we have a pair living nearby).
 And we had ample opportunity to enjoy the simple pleasures of togetherness
 in the wide outdoors.
 Get outside, look for shit and marvel when you find it!  Now that's a code for living!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Where have I been all this time?  Well one week has past since the boys and I moved into the new house.  We will be house sitting here until mid-june.  It is a positively lovely three story home AND of course, the move and events leading up to it, consumed much of my emotional energy.   We are settling in and getting used to our new surroundings. The best part of the new location is the backyard.  It literally backs up to my favorite hiking spot near denver, Green Mountain.  It has long been my sanctuary (as this blog will attest with its many photographic tributes over the years).  Owen is pictured above, overlooking Denver just a hundred yards from the house.
 And this IS the back yard.
 It is a great place to heal for a while and mend an aching heart.  The boys are slowly making room in their worlds for this change.  It is hard on them. Bodhi is chewing again and longing for the lost comfort of the pacifier of years gone by, while Owen cries often.
Speaking of healing...here is a photo of how we spent our Sunday morning.  Bodhi cut his head badly playing with Owen and his uncle Dave, so 2 hours in Urgent Care and 3 staples later we are home again enjoying a couple of playdates (a friend for Bodhi and one for Owen) and some family time on the horizon, with just my own two.
If you are reading this and want to pause for awhile to extend some love in our direction, I am sure it will be felt and appreciated.  I am sending it to all of you as I write.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I enjoyed this reminder, maybe you will too:



Many people don't realize until they are on their deathbed and everything external falls away that no thing ever had anything to do with who they are. In the proximity of death, the whole concept of ownership stands revealed as ultimately meaningless.
In the last moments of their life, they then also realize that while they were looking throughout their lives for a more complete sense of self, what they were really looking for, their Being, had actually always already been there, but had been largely obscured by their identification with things, which ultimately means identification with their mind.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit," Jesus said, "for theirs will be the kingdom of heaven. ''What does "poor in spirit" mean? No inner baggage, no identifications. Not with things, nor with any mental concepts that have a sense of self in them.
And what is the "kingdom of heaven"? The simple but profound joy of Being that is there when you let go of identifications and so become "poor in spirit."

                                                     ~ From: A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle

Friday, January 6, 2012

In-lighter-ment

For much of my life I have longed for some conceptual utopia of spirit, out of reach and made unattainable by my constant seeking, which some have called  enlightenment, the big "E".  Pondering this, I found myself rebelling against the futility of reaching toward something outside the immediacy of this moment.  In the spirit of revolt, I decided to embrace the notion of in-lighter-ment instead.  


Enlightenment (as a loaded term and not the experience it points to), seems to signify a destination and a "getting there".  It is akin to winning the ultimate spiritual lottery.  In keeping with this analogy, I have never felt confident that I was going to win the powerball,  it being wholly outside the sphere of my own effort, not to mention the glaring problem that I don't buy a ticket.  Enlightenment seemed to separate the spiritual populace into the "haves" and "have-nots".  


So I coined a new term, limited, as all terms are, by the conceptual implications of the language that houses them, but it is the best I have in the moment. "Inlighterment", the big "I"... "lighter" merely points to "a bit brighter" and so "inlighterment" is a state of "lighter" instead of "lightened", brighter instead of brightened.  It's a process instead of a destination.  Its like a savings plan rather than a crap shoot.  I can attain "a bit brighter" right now.  I can shine a bit more, perhaps microscopically, day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath.  And if I black hole into humanness, so what? I can choose again and again.  I can breathe.  I can listen deeply.  I can be and in being, choose to let go of a little more fear than yesterday and shine a bit lighter, one choice at a time.

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering
May all beings never be parted from freedom's true joy
May all beings dwell in equanimity free from attachment and aversion.
May all beings experience in-lighter-ment.

Monday, January 2, 2012

my boys

 Here they are: thing one and thing two.
Thing one: Owen is busy growing and looking cool, going to school, pushing against mom and learning how to be the man he will become, in his own Owen-like way. He is such a deep swimming boy.  He often startles me with his insight and clarity.
Thing two: Bodhi is midway through his last year at Children's Garden Montessori School, where I teach.  I have grown accustomed to having him with me every day.  I have watched him grow and learn and develop in a way that many working mamas simply can't do.  I am grateful for this gift daily and the gift of being mother to two amazing and breathtaking boys.