Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I roll out of bed like a thief, stealing moments of solitude like jewels in a well kept museum, ever vigilant not to set off the resounding "MOM!" alarm. With stealthy silence I creep down the hall, aware of the magnified sound of footfall on tile. I sit shivering in the back room. I would love a cup of tea... no too risky. Oh what about one of my inspirational reads? I weigh the dangers and decide on simply sitting here in the back room watching the slowly coloring horizon and cupping my few precious moments of stillness in my hands for warmth.
It is a matter of time really, maybe even minutes.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick...
And I am found out. My youngest stares at me with accusing eyes, hair modeled after Einsteins late period, arms extended, reaching..
"Hold me!"
I drop the solitude from cupped hands and fill them instead with the warmth of his body.
The thief no more.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The first snow of the year... HOW EXCITING!
Owen was up and out the door by 6:15AM, a new record. Bodhi was hollering by the crack of dawn, which in itself is nothing new, but he was yelling enthusiastically, "It snow, it SNOW!".
Such beauty in preperation for winter...oh we all know how much Angelina adores being cold, but it is quite lovely.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

day at the zoo

Who would have guessed that a trip to the zoo would leave me feeling like a strange human anomyly, a shadow of a woman. This is more the product of visiting the zoo with three boys, than of any innate psychological paranoia (well at least I hope so).
As my oldest son grows up I seem to be having more and more experience at being shadow-mom. We've all seen her, she's the woman relegated to the periphery, obviously somewhat irritating, called upon for food, money or potential safety concerns, but otherwise unnecessary. This has become my lot whenever Owen has a play-date with a friend and the adolescent conversation takes a downward turn toward destruction, battles and pokemon fed frenzies.

Meanwhile Bodhi, who regularly resembles a hybridization of Yosemite Sam and the Tasmanian Devil, attempted to climb every barrier designed for human safety whenever he wasn't running hell-mell throughout the park terrorizing animals and mother alike. The only thing the three boys seemed to unanimously agree on was to disregard and ignore the irrational reproaches of a shadow-mother's voice, softly reminding them to RESPECT, to THINK, to OBSERVE. After several hours of enduring my irritating presence the boys were liberated from my company when I simply stood up, looked at them all and said, "I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE".--- (Well I didn't actually say it, but I did stand up and say OKAY time to go. One of the perks to being the shadow mom is that I hold the keys... for now.)
Otherwise, we had a marvelous time.

Bodhi screams with accosting enthusiasm from the glass door. "Squirrel!", he hollers thrusting a pointed finger against the glass. "Look Mama, LOOOOOK!"
I sit down beside him and together we watch the wiley antics of Bodhi's favorite nature show. Occasionally, he grows tired of his warm perch on mama's lap and begs for a closer view. We waltz outside with the grace and subtlety of charging elephants. Bodhi yells "SQUIRREL", clapping a set of small hands and jumping a full half inch into the air. He is always a bit put out by their hasty departure and yells long and loud into the waiting silence... "HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The audacity of HOPE

...HE WON!

true radiance

This is a shortened version of a poem that my wacky brother shared with me. I found it graceful and filled with truth and so thought to share it with you.

We already are the Beginning and the End
Release the seeking,
Let go of reaching for the next thing
Erase the false programming that you ever fell out of Paradise.
Whatever you seek will forever escape you
Whatever you study, research or even focus upon will forever elude you
Until you let go of your need for it

The Truth is You: walk it, love it and radiate it

You are what you are seeking
And the One you are looking for
You are the Treasure
You are the Tool, the Experience and the Partner

You are the total Field of Being:
Just seed Yourself

You are all the Radiance there is

~ Aya