Sunday, February 28, 2010

puff the magic dragon

Bodhi has become very interested in the homeless population of Denver. He asks questions, like, "Mama, does he have a home?" or "Where does he live?", etc. Recently he began requesting that we read all the signs they hold up toward oncoming traffic, "Old cowboy down on his luck", "You're getting very sleepy", "Anything helps", "Being homeless is no joke", "Willing to work", etc. I often carry granola bars in the console of our car to give when we see someone in need. As we were driving home from work on Friday, Bodhi asked me to read another sign asking for money. Bodhi asked if I had any money and I said "Yes". He asked me to give it to him so that he could give it to a "homeless". I gave him a dollar. Shortly we pulled up to a man standing on the corner holding a cardboard sign and looking haggard. I rolled down my window and explained that there was a young man in the back seat who wanted to help. At first he was confused, but his eyes welled in tears when Bodhi earnestly held out his crisp dollar bill, offering a concerned smile. "Thanks little dude, thanks". The light turned and we were off. Bodhi thought for a moment and said "Mommy how many dollars you have? Can we always give money!". I explained that we could always give something to everyone but not always money. Persistent as ever, he demanded explanation. I said, "Sometimes we can give food and sometimes a real smile, or a simple kindness or we can give namaste." What is namaste, Mommy?", he asked. "Namaste is when I look at someone and remind myself and them that the love in me, sees the love in them and smiles". Bodhi understood and became really excited, "Oooo, Ooo, Ooo Mommy, Like 'the Puff (the Magic Dragon) in me sees the Puff in you and ROARS!!!' ". "Exactly!", I said and now Bodhi can be heard roaring "Puff" to every cardboard sign carrying friend on the streets.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

A snowy sunrise and I went out in PJ's and snuggly boots to take a pic. Was it worth it for that little glimpse of color? Absolutely!

self expression

Owen pulled this little bout of self-expression out of his closet this week. When he came out swaggering with a hint of Mick Jagger mixed with Michael Jackson and asked me, "So Mom, how do I look?", oozing pride out of every pore. I had to smile and say, "Man, you look awesome!". And he did. Not just because he threw a tie over a white t-shirt and paired it with jeans, work boots and a blazer...but he added a fedora and some mirrored specs. Now that takes some fashion nerve! Gotta love that in a nine year old, when most of his peers are concerned with mastering the art of blending, Owen is content to express himself.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

feelin' kinda prickly

I never really understand the moods incorporated in being human. They seem so tangled and convoluted, each stemming from the other in some haphazard chaotic emotional landscape. Psychology (excuse me for saying this) seems to add more confusion to the mix. Raised on the manna of Freud and his offspring, we delve into the alleyways of the mind, tracing the trail of emotion in search of it's origin. And yet, the pursuit seldom yields peace. In fact, the search itself assures the tangled landscape, stemming from a desire to be rid of the offending emotion. I wonder if it there could be a simpler, albeit more daunting solution. I wonder if we could befriend the prickles, the edges, the tangles and soften toward them. Could we breathe in our own sticky, bitchy, edgy, embarrassing, emotionally messy self, in spite of the fact that she gets us in trouble and threatens our almighty self-image. I have a feeling that, as terrifying as it sounds, our simple acceptance will do far more than all the psychobabble in the world toward unraveling the tangled mess. And yet, I sit, amidst my own emotional rubble, beset by the storm of perception and ache for escape.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe...

Saturday, February 13, 2010

My guy!
It has been an interesting ride for both of us. Relationships are such a learning curve. In that first rush of love we are overcome with the sheer beauty of our own idealized projection. Of course that projection is a disastrous set up, interpreted through the lens of desire, convoluted experience, belief and even disappointments. We interpret our mate and are astoundingly surprised to discover that they aren't what we expected. Well duh! Then if you are lucky, you can take off the barricades of expectation and begin to see the imperfect beauty of life unfolding in your partner. You can get to know who the other person is, again and again and in context you glimpse your own true face. It isn't easy. It is prickly, uncomfortable and rewarding. At times my own fear of self and other loom so large that I ache for an escape with obsessive tenacity. At others, my heart opens and I can see past the wall of self and love shines. And although I have long abandoned my hallmark view of love, I believe it has been replaced by a more encompassing view that commands the sacrifice of my fear to really reap its bounty.
Happy Valentine's Day

This is what yoga looks like at my house, is it any wonder that my practice has become much less precise?

Monday, February 8, 2010

I walked in the door from work today and Owen was joyfully spinning circles in the living room with Shane. They had been joyously talking about the choicest super hero powers, which led them to a very serious discussion, centering around which super powers they would pick if they could choose six. The list is as follows:
Owen
1 The ability to fly at any velocity
2 Super strength with no minimum or maximum
3 Ability to teleport at will
4 Invisibility at will
5 Invincibility
6 Control over the elements

His superhero name is Elementis, his color is silver and his daemon is a harpy eagle.

Shane
1 The ability to fly at any velocity
2 Invincible in any atmospheric condition
3 Time travel at will
4 Super strength with no minimum or maximum
5 Ability to discern the truthfulness of anything
6 Super intelligence without suffering (no tortured genius)

His superhero name is Navi, his color is green and his daemon is the resident cat Eli.

If you could have six, what would they be.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

On Thursday night, as I snuggled into my favorite spot in the front room with the book, Practicing the Presence, by Goldsmith, a loud bellow rang through the house, "HONEY! COME HERE!". "No!" I thought as I planted myself deeper in the pillows of the sofa. The call came again and again, with a rising panic and mirth. ARGH! The frequency of mama's quiet moments are pretty slim and being called into mother duty after 15 hours on call, isn't always welcome. I walked toward the family room and to my surprise, I caught the distinct waft of something unpleasant and saw Bodhi perched on the tiny toilet he has never used. He was perfectly proud of himself as he announced, "Mama, I poop in the living room!". Imagine that and I just thought I would read myself into relaxation.