Monday, December 23, 2013

holiday wishes and heart surgery

Heart Surgery.
Brain Trauma.
Holidays.
A trio that may at first seem less than sublime but together they have united to bring me more blessings then I could have hoped for.
It has been a season full of unexpected gifts, lessons and insights.
On November 18th I underwent a fairly simple heart surgery.  I was able to remain conscious and meditating throughout the nearly five hour procedure and was astonished by the peace and well being I felt throughout.  Following the surgery I had some unexpected complications which led to extreme fatigue and periodic syncope. A serious concussion occurred a week later.  I was unconscious for some time.  Upon waking, I couldn't remember my children for several hours or who I was.  I couldn't assimilate speech or complex thought.  I am just now remembering how to process written word and to write.
For the past month, my well exercised brain has been quietly simple.  For days on end I sat contentedly without books or technology, not really thinking at all.  I sat as my heart healed and brain mended in more ways than one.
It was beautiful really.
I discovered through direct experience that much of our busy thinking, planning, worrying, entertaining and doing are just unnecessary, self aggrandizing bullshit.  I learned that life goes on spinning without our pompous mental participation. I discovered that connection and communication have less to do with what I know and more to do with a willingness to open and unite.  In fact an intention to connect deeply is enough in and of itself.  I learned that if I can surrender while doctors are inside my heart and the tentative arc of life is dancing all around me then I can find a willingness to be at peace when the bills arise or tensions in relationship come up or the unknown knocks persistently at the door.  I can choose to surrender to the force of life that is living my life.  It's a choice.  It's that simple.
Life is enough.

This holiday season I wish each of you the gift of simply relaxing and resting back into the fabric of your life with childlike abandon.  I love you, wherever you are, whoever you are.  I love you.
Happy Holidays.

addendum:
Thank you so much to all the beautiful people who cared for me when I needed it through love and food and support.  A special thank you to my mate and love David whose care and loving support was the greatest force for my healing and to the Terpstra family whose love always inspires me! Thank you!

1 comment:

Lumonics Light Museum said...

Thank you for sharing this, Angelina. Your insights and suggestions are greatly appreciated!
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