My incredibly beautiful eldest son just called me full of summer joy and enthusiasm, like a fresh breeze blown across farmland whispering of fireflies and life. He called to tell me how wonderful his summer is and how excited he is to begin his research for next year in ninth grade. He called to tell me that he got a heaping stack of new books and how happy that makes him. He called to tell me that I am beautiful and wonderful. He called to tell me that something "had been gnawing" on him for a while now and he just needed me to hear it. He asked me not to give up on letting people in close and to bravely open my heart and life to love and belonging, to connection and community. He said, "Mom while it is true that a lot of people in life might hurt you, just open your heart anyway, because in the end it always works out. And there is a right match out there for you. Someone who can appreciate and treasure you like I do but different and more". He asked me to promise him. He said, "You don't need to protect yourself and Bodhi and me by never letting anyone in. That's just life mom. And you deserve to live it".
Loss hurts. No matter how you serve it up but remaining open is the only real answer.