Thursday, August 14, 2014

Seizure: what this body keeps teaching me in a thousand big a little ways

On Monday morning I had a seizure.  

In life I have seldom settled into the inherent vulnerability of being human, nor acknowledged, with any kind of grace, the burning desire to be cared for and nurtured by “other”.  I have diligently cultivated self-sufficiency, independence, competence and strength.  I have given to others with abandon but found receiving difficult and receiving nurturance nigh impossible.  

That approach to life no longer feeds me.  

It is as necessary to accept care and to receive it, as it is to pour it forth in giving. Crying in my Godfather’s arms after the shock wore off, attended by a warm tropical breeze and the songs of Hawaiian birds and water, in a home so beautiful that it belongs on the cover of Dwell magazine, I felt safe and cared for. Not just by a beloved human other but by the whole of life.  And all of Life seemed to be whispering softly and caringly within the grace of its own mystery, “I’ve got you.  You are okay.”

In its own unique way the body with its heart procedures, head injury, seizure and quirks offers an opportunity to embrace human vulnerability and the long silenced desire to be cared for and to RECEIVE.  All of this on an island in the Pacific Ocean, surrounded by unspeakable beauty, cradled by aloha and an unparalleled sense of “It is okay.  It is all okay”. 

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