Tuesday, November 18, 2014

day thirteen: 27 days of gratitude

One year ago, today, I had heart surgery.
One year ago.
This heart, that still beats erratically is MY heart; my beautiful, big, loving, caring, open heart.
I have been carrying it around for forty years like it was some kind of liability.  Believing its intensity was too much to bring to anyone's table, that my heart was somehow deficient because it cared and felt and beat to its own tune.  I no longer believe that is true.
To my beloved heart, I commit:
I will no longer apologize when I am mistreated, feeling that the fault must lie with me.
I will no longer hide who I am in an attempt to be enough.
I will no longer love in excess in the hopes of convincing others of my worth.
I will recognize that anger is not an enemy to be feared, but the first feeling to arise in the primal brain when a boundary is violated.  I will learn to respect its wisdom.
Today I am grateful for my heart, exactly as it is, beating beautifully to its own unique rhythm, since this body drew its first breath on planet earth. One beat at a time.

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