There are two birds that fly over the deserts of California, the condor and the hummingbird. If you ask the condor what the desert is like, it will describe death and carnage, blood, rot and decay. If you ask the hummingbird what the desert is like, it will describe flowers dripping with sweet nectar and an unspeakable beauty hidden everywhere.
If that's the case, perhaps we can stop our victim-perpetrator-coulda-woulda-shoulda stories and ask what it is we expect to see. There's no judgment. If I want carnage, it's not hard to find. If I want beauty, I need only LOOK for it with eyes prepared to see.