I have learned that if someone doesn't see you, no amount of "showing them who you are" is going to make them. I have learned that regardless of how much you dance around and say "see me, see me" you are just going to get tired. I have learned that everyone deserves love...including ourselves.
I have played a game since I was a very young girl. It goes like this, "If I were a ...., I'd be a ...." As you may have noticed I have progressed from pansy to rose to lotus and now, on further reflection I think if I were a flower today I'd be a dandelion. I have looked down on them from the disdainful heights of prejudice and irritation, but that wasn't always the case. I once saw dandelions as the most precious of flowers: wishmakers on slender stalks, eager for a gusty exhale, crowns and necklaces waiting to be knotted and formed from golden blooms beneath brilliant blue skies, bright dots of color shining amidst manicured green lawns. When did I begin to see myself as a weed? Something to change and prune and pull up and proffer to the "Jones' smiling with greenness but devoid of color and wildness and wonder. I read recently that "ego" is not a noun, but a verb. It is not the weed but the thrust to be rid of it. So today I
I have maintained a membership at the Botanical Gardens since I moved to Denver. I love the place! It is overflowing with sights that still the mind and startle the senses. Here are a few that took my breath away and stutter-stopped my mental noise long enough for my heart to expand with belonging! And who better to share the day with then my two boys and one of my beloved God-daughters. Every bit as lovely as the gardens.
One of my favorite things to do, for as long as I can remember, is to find somewhere far away from people and very close to wild and lay down on the bare earth, beneath warm sun and wide sky and sleep. It is so delicious and decadent. As I lay there, head cushioned on weeds and grasses, body caressed by breeze and insect, I relax and my entire body breathes a deep sigh of ease and release. It is as close to HOME as any thing I know of.
Mother's Day! and I couldn't be more filled with reasons to be grateful! It is amazing to "become" a mother. Your kids actually birth you into motherhood in the same moment that they birth themselves into being. I began my day with a walk at a nearby lake and preserve and here are a few gifts along the path. And then the boys and I planted the front beds and... the back beds of our little home. It was a ton of labor and well worth every bead of sweat! What a gift...this thing called MOTHERHOOD. It challenges me daily to be the best of myself and to look honestly at the worst of myself. I couldn't ask for two better teachers than Owen and Bodhi!