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Showing posts from September, 2014

My boys

There are times in my life when I feel weak and fractured: when I worry about my heart that beats erratically and aches for constancy, when the to do list grows longer than the can list , when loneliness takes a seat at my table and refuses to leave.  But when it comes to my boys there is a strength that can not be measured, a love that has no end and a courage that can meet whatever the day brings.  They are and continue to be, my best reason for drawing oxygen.  They are my first breath of gratitude in the morning and my last breath of thanksgiving before I surrender to sleep. Today was a beautiful fall Sunday spent in the company of my two bright lights. Here are some of the highlights:  And as the day closes I find myself overcome with soul satisfying gratitude.  A very good day.


Emotionally leaden would be a good descriptive for me during the past few weeks.  Two days ago I heard myself bragging.  Bragging.  I'm not usually a braggart.  I will sometimes put on a bit of confident moxy but brag…hardly.  I was bragging about all sorts of nonsense…I was a fashion consultant in San Francisco, I am super smart and graduated with top A's in all my classes, I'm going to get a PhD, I got this honor or that honor, yada yada yada .  Rather than gag (which was my first response), I turned around to face myself with loving compassion.  That is when I saw it clearly: a sadness, a longing, a need for validation. As a kid, my house wasn't heavy on validation.  I found validation in SCHOOL.  I could go to school and know the drill.  I could ace any class I walked into and I was a people pleaser to boot so teachers liked me.  I was starving for information BUT equally hungry for the stars on my paper, the 100% in the top right corner, the smiley face,