angelbirdflies

 Bodhi and I left the hustle and bustle behind and wound our way up Golden Gate Canyon Road to White Ranch Open Space where we spent the next several hours amidst a sea of grass.  The sun warmed our backs as we walked along a hard-packed dirt trail.  A gentle breeze ensured a pleasant adventure while wildflowers bobbed merrily in and out of grassy waves.  Nature is medicine.  In her arms my whole being relaxes and the soul exhales the long held breath of effort and "doing".  As we walked, Bodhi and I discussed fairies and dreams, visions and realities, color and variety, art and beauty.  A small blue butterfly alighted on his arm temporarily and he reverently said "Oh what a treat!  What a treat!"  An unsuspecting robin landed ten yards ahead on the trail and he barrelled down on it with hair raising yells before it took to the blue.  Having left sunscreen at home we rubbed our hands over the white slender aspen trunks and applied ...

"I wake up Mom and life is just a big dream and we are all sleeping." -Bodhi Katz

There are times in my life when I stand on the mountain's peak and look across a wide vista, hands perched confidently on my hips, surveying my progress with a certain air of accomplishment.   There are times when I sit waist deep in muck and mire, assessing the swamp land of old patterns and outworn beliefs, shocked that there are still such uninhabitable lowlands along the path. It startles me to realize that, despite my large brain and years of "seeking/learning/meditating" (or more likely because of them),  I don't actually know what life is about or where it is leading or even where exactly I have been. I am humbled when I look out at the great unknown from a simple vantage of surrender and realize that the only courageous act I can make is to step into this moment with abandon. Life is an adventure.  

"Here is a new spiritual practice for you: don't take your thoughts too seriously." -Eckhart Tolle

Who am I?  Who are you? Really?  

There are many, many reasons why I enjoy camping, first among them is the simplicity of a broadened perspective.  Like most of us I am often caught up in a fearful human internal diatribe around money and security and home and yadayadayada.  I do my best to observe the nonsense and go on doing what needs to be done. However, when I am camping, life is simplified down to it's basic needs and I often exhale a huge sigh of relief when the mind stutters to a stop with the recognition... "So this is what I am so afraid of?"  It is a wonderful internal comedy once we realize that in the absence of the turtle shell of worldly possesions life ain't so bad.

We met her up above Twin Lakes and spent three days camping.  Bodhi learned to toilet beneath the trees and eat food with a dash of dirt and dog hair and sleep beneath the stars.  It was a good visit.

 Hiking above Boulder with my favorite "brother from another mother" Neal. As Neal and I hiked through a gorgeous canopy of green, he told me he coined the term "Colorado humility" on a similar hike several years prior.  Colorado humility is when you spend several arduous hours climbing straight up the side of a mountain, breathing heavily and sweating profusely, only to be passed at the top by small children singing nursery rhymes, seventy year old women wielding walking sticks like extra limbs and obnoxiously fit trail runners who are just getting warmed up. We both bent over laughing thoughout the hike as humility came our way on a number of occasions.

  I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. -Anais Nin

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.   -Anais Nin We all go through the stage of being bound tighly before the unfurling of petal and stamen and flesh.  It is constricted and difficult to breathe.  My sister Michelle calls it transition and as a former mid-wife's assistant, she reminds me in those moments to breathe.

My dad has been in and out of the hospital for the past few weeks with heart trouble.  Many of you know that I did not grow up seeing my father.  In fact, I spent very little time with him in the years that have passed since my anticipated entrance into gravity bound existence. Today we chatted on the phone while he lay beneath flowering vines and bird feeders on his deck in Bonsall and I sat on a round granite stone beside a gravel bottomed creek at REI where Bodhi frolicked with characteristic enthusiasm.  After a while it occurred to me that I didn't have any idea what my dad hoped for me in most aspects of my life, not the least of which was love.  Having grown up with my mom, I never had the barometer of a fathers affection and esteem.  So I asked him what he wished for me in matters of love, as water splashed and birds lighted on tree branches. He said: "I wish for you to be happy and to be loved." "What does that look like dad?" "I wish for...

Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment. -Eckhart Tolle - A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose YEAH BABY! No use hiding under the covers.  We are talking about gratitude even for those kick your ass, knock you down and run you over moments.  I recently read a wonderful book called  F*CK It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way (Thanks Neal!).  The author suggests that instead of saying "let go" or "relax" or "surrender", all of which can become cerebral in no time, we simply say "f*ck it".   So that man you love doesn't love you back.  F*ck it. So you are afraid you won't have enough money.  F*ck it. So you don't know what the hell you are doing, where you are going or where you have been.  F*ck it. There is an immediate relaxation response and a s...

I certainly hope that when you are consumed by the fire of your own hearts longing there is a sort of phoenician effect and not just a lot of ash.

Over the years I have developed a habit of "inner sanctuary".  More often than not it is simply a resting back into spacious benevolence until a sense of calm pervades my experience.  Occasionally, I need to imagine a sanctuary.  In those moments I am always found laying on the shore of  Mahaulepu Beach in Kauai.  I can't really explain why, except to say that when I am there my whole soul sighs a deep and audible "Home".  The ocean has always had this effect on me.  From my earliest memories of salty sea foam, I felt a sense of rightness with a quiet assurance whispered on the tide, "Relax.  Relax.  It is all okay.  Lean back. Relax.  Float." It is even more visceral when I am there, in form, seated on countless grains of sand, staring out at a blue so deep that no description could suffice.  I listen intently to my own soul as concerns disappear and I hear clearly the "ta-thump" of my heart and the breath of the tide a...

 Sixty and rockin' it!!! "But what's up with all these female artist-types and the headwear?"

There are few places more peaceful than underwater...as long as you have ready access to oxygen.