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nice

I used to be 'Nice'. You know, the kind of 'nice' that talks with a quiet voice and smiles sweetly, ignoring rude comments with apparent grace and lying down at each threshold to provide a doormat for the next person to enter over. A 'nice' that usually results in leaking anger, rather than expressing it, thereby toxifying the undercurrent and polluting the body. Yeah, that kind of nice. Now, it seems that I am becoming more genuine. Don't get me wrong, I am often smiling and ignoring things that don't matter, but if I get ruffled now, I growl.
Today, I was confronted by a very rude, middle aged woman, intent on berating someone and I was the nearest person to her in the store. She made an obnoxious comment, that the 'nice' Angelina would have responded to with a smile and a swift apology for existing(swallowing the immediate impulse of retaliation, by imagining any number of possible situations in the woman's life which might have provoked her attitude. Who knows maybe her cat, Fluffy, died this morning, or her husband might be having an affair, etc., ad infinitum). Instead, I turned to her and said, "You know, I imagine that you are capable of being friendly to an outright stranger, but have intentionally decided to be rude. Why don't you decide to do it somewhere else". Well that is what I wanted to say, what I actually said was, "Geez, that wasn't very friendly of you, was it" and I walked away. It wasn't mean, (actually it was a little passive aggressive maybe), but it wasn't 'nice' either. It's a start. Maybe I will feel better physically,when I cease swallowing my feelings in my pursuit of appearing nice to people I don't know and I'll probably have the emotional energy to be truly kind to the people I do (including myself).

Comments

Michelle said…
Oh, sister! What an amazing story! Yes, it happens like that, small little steps at the grocery store or in the restaurant or with the trusted friend or at work. Before you know it authenticity oozes from you - you don't know any other way. I think the last few lines were the most profound. I do believe that when we learn to say "no" and to speak our truth about who we are we no longer need to shove it down. It will no longer fester inside causing all kinds of illness - physical, emotional and spiritual.
September 6, 2007 at 7:32 AM
Anonymous said…
I like that sis...
Nice....I mean...
September 24, 2007 at 4:22 PM
Anonymous said…
hmmm...when you wrote me it was 3:11 and now I see my comment says it is 4:22..
I seem to really see certain master numbers all the time...
I wonder if that meANS we should have a milk shake as soon as possible? hmmmmmmm again...
September 24, 2007 at 4:27 PM
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