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Getting to know yourself isn't some mountain you summit, after much toil and work, to finally look out beyond the vista of self, comforted by the height.  Nope.  It is a constant evolution, a tearing down of false ideals and a relinquishment of protections and walls no longer needed.  It is a constant flow, ebbing in and out, in and out, encompassing the flow of human thought and experience, ebbing in and out, in and out.  Somehow, with time, perhaps we learn to identify with the spacious holding that scaffolds the ebb and flow.  Perhaps, with time, we can just behold the splendor without a thousand little judgments and comparisons.  For now, I learn daily how to be humble in the face of my own stumbling ignorance and baffling splendor, of my insecurities and trivialities, of myself.  One of the beauties of growing is that I am becoming acutely aware of how little I really know, how much I actually talk, how little I often say and how desperately humans want to connect and how terrified they are to do so.  There is no summit in sight and yet I am learning to enjoy the landscape: a flower rising from the floor its face upturned in blossom, a bird song, the drift of a leaf on breeze, laughter dancing, the wind playing in the grass, an embrace, a moment of love, the details.  I suppose, in someways, that is learning to lean back on the water of Life, relax and simply FLOAT.

Comments

Ariel Julie said…
Hi Angelina!
I found my way to your so-called narcissistic family blog (all blogs are kind of narcissistic, right?) and am admiring the beauty of your photography and your family. I can't believe we've never met in person - my mom talks about you, and about Bodhi, all the time - but your personality and his jump right off the computer screen. I hope his arm is feeling better. That photo of his poor beat up face made me a little teary. Mark takes a lot of spills, but so far no serious injuries - knock on wood!
Thank you so much for the lovely colorful castoffs - like getting a package full of tropical plumage! Dresses and skirts are so much better for the Atlanta heat, but in addition to that anything bright and sparkly can make a big difference at a time when the mental clouds are weighing down. So again, thank you.
I wish you and your boys the very best with the beginning of school. Mark's starting real preschool in September - I have to say I wish he were at Children's Garden!
Ariel
August 11, 2010 at 8:17 AM
Angelina Lloyd said…
I suppose I would take it one step further and say that the human condition is narcisstic, always looking at life through the distortion of our own reflection. I too have heard about you for years and am surprised that we have never met...eventually we will. Until then, enjoy motherhood and the brilliance of the moment amidst the chaotic busy of life in motion.
Blessings
August 11, 2010 at 12:51 PM
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