Skip to main content

gossamer

I recall a quote that gave me pause.  I will paraphrase it here: "When you come into the presence of the infinite you must be willing to possess it without a desire for any of it at all".   I thought of this on my 6AM hike, as I stared out at a world so ripe with beauty that all thought stood still before it.  For a moment I was neither observer nor observed, just a part of an infinite whole- complete.  A conscious landscape in rapture before its own beauty.  And then, in no time at all, my sense of self returned with a desire to capture it in photo, art or word.  Thought described the many hues of autumn as they rippled and swayed in the early dawn.  Thought described the gentle arc of deer tracks across golden grass and the rusty, auburn hues of flower dried in sun and wind.  Thoughts of the brilliant blue of daybreak framed by hills golden and rising.  Thoughts of trees dropping leaves in a fall palette, too luminous for brush or paint, extending across a wide horizon. I thought.  The moment disappeared beneath my desire to hold it, to relate it, to communicate it.  I was once again removed, observing splendor from a perch of separation, but for an instant Angelina had dissolved into a landscape of infinite beauty.  In its wide embrace my thought provoked littleness was laughable, gossamer in the breeze.
Labels:

Comments

Wind said…
Breath. Breathing in with you. Letting go....
November 11, 2010 at 8:25 PM
Karuna said…
I love you sweet fairy godmother!
love, Karuna
November 11, 2010 at 9:06 PM
Angelina Lloyd said…
And I love you my sweet fairy Goddaughter
November 12, 2010 at 8:44 AM
Michelle said…
your words are always so delicious!
December 3, 2010 at 9:39 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Coraggio

When everything looks bleak and the darkness cramps against the cold, it takes courage to simply look out from imagined isolation toward the wide horizon of beauty available in every moment.  It takes courage to lean into the sea of life and trust the tide. When weary limbs no longer support us, it takes courage to trust our inner buoyancy and float.  It takes courage, in the face of darkness, to remember the light and sit in all our apparent blindness and listen, silently, to the still, small whisper within.  It takes courage, in that dark hour, when nothing else remains.  Eyes closed.  Eyes opened.  A glimpse, a memory, a fleeting vision of a light so bright it blurs the borders of things seen and things perceived into a comprehensive wholeness of being.  It takes courage.
4 comments
Read more

tree digging

Yes, I know it doesn't look like much.  It was only about 5 inches in diameter and 8 feet tall.  The root ball was no more than 3 feet deep.  But it was a sweet red-bud tree that we planted the year Bodhi was born, his placenta was buried in it's roots and like many of the trees in our neighborhood, it died (see this post to understand why) . I can't say that I mourned its death in a tangible way, rather it produced in me a sort of unnameable melancholy.  I am a woman who loves the spring.  I nearly live for it.  When the first signs of life emerge like a haze of hope, I drink in green with the passion of a desert crawling woman sipping at an oasis.  I gorge.  This year has been hard.  Our neighborhood isn't leafing out in native splendor, instead the tired trees seem to begrudge the effort, only offering a tender shoot or bud occasionally.  The north side of many trees appear to have given up all together, too tired after a long winter...
2 comments
Read more

grief

Grief is defined as a deep or intense sorrow. I have been thinking a lot about grief, about it's wide and sticky reach, about the watery quality of it's absorption and the agonizing effort of swimming to shore. Intense sorrow happens. It is a part of life. Yet we press against it. We try to eradicate it. How? We encapsulate our grief in a story, thus effectively removing us from the immediacy of the pain. The mind promises salvation and begins to tell a story, over and over and over. We listen to the inner ramblings, the constant diatribe, the neurotic attempt to avoid the experience. When someone is hurting we listen to their story, we talk about it, we recount our own story, but we certainly don't jump in the waters of sadness, instead we sit on the bank of our familiar longing. Once, when I was floundering in deep grief, my youngest brother knelt next to me and held me for over an hour. He didn't speak. He didn't commiserate. He just jumped in the ...
4 comments
Read more