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What do you do with un-forgiveness?  When you run, SMACK, into the brick wall of your past and feel the sting of wounds inflicted and endured through unconscious bumbling?  What do you do when love is met with the cold chill of disdain and the dark cloud of blame?  When the world turns upside down and seventy times seven isn't even up for discussion and you are left standing, frozen, in the wake of your own suffering, the ripples having finally returned to their point of origin?
In that dark hour what do you do?
I don't know.  I can tell you what doesn't work:
Begging for forgiveness from a hardened heart (NO GOOD! Though it certainly does exercise the humble muscle),
Crying yourself to sleep (though it does clear the tear ducts),
Calling down the Gods (honestly I don't think this has been effective since the Grecian era and even then it was dubious),
Beating yourself up for the error of humanhood (this one is particularly insidious as it often masquerades as "personal growth", psycho-babble and other sorts of "new age" bullshit),
Looking back and trying to remove the splinter of discord via some sort of mental time travel (this is the "if I knew then what I know now" routine which always proves futile since "then" doesn't exist and "now" is NOW so we might as well just stay put),
Trying to be "better","nicer" or whatever the flavor of the day is (Let's face it "trying to be better" is a giant personal assault and no one ever grows via a full frontal attack).
So here's what I have come up with:  Life is messy. People get hurt sometimes.  We fuck up.  We try again.  We make repairs where we can and hopefully the fissures of self allow more and more light to shine through.  In the end, it doesn't matter... and if all else fails just sing to yourself:
Row, Row, Row your boat,
Gently Down the stream,
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily
Life is but a dream.

Comments

wind said…
your ability to cut through all the glitter (to break out of the color "pink" as you have said) and to say it straight with no false fluff is one of your greatest gifts. Thank you for having a heart of gold and eyes that see through many veils. Slash it!
May 17, 2012 at 10:51 PM
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