Okay...gasp...shock...insanity. I signed onto match.com for three miserable days. Ugh. And I thought facebook was objectifying and crazy. I discontinued and learned a great deal. 1) I would rather be lonely, 2) you can get 60 emails in 12 hours, 3) If we all just offered present moment beingness to one another during the simple goings on of our days we would find ourselves feeling far more connected and far less alone. So here is what I am going to do...I am going to practice talking to people. Being kind to people. Not rushing away when I could stay and offer presence to a situation. I discovered that I have been retreating all my life. I wonder what life would be like if instead I began taking steps forward. It is worth considering.
Yes, I know it doesn't look like much. It was only about 5 inches in diameter and 8 feet tall. The root ball was no more than 3 feet deep. But it was a sweet red-bud tree that we planted the year Bodhi was born, his placenta was buried in it's roots and like many of the trees in our neighborhood, it died (see this post to understand why) . I can't say that I mourned its death in a tangible way, rather it produced in me a sort of unnameable melancholy. I am a woman who loves the spring. I nearly live for it. When the first signs of life emerge like a haze of hope, I drink in green with the passion of a desert crawling woman sipping at an oasis. I gorge. This year has been hard. Our neighborhood isn't leafing out in native splendor, instead the tired trees seem to begrudge the effort, only offering a tender shoot or bud occasionally. The north side of many trees appear to have given up all together, too tired after a long winter...
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