It all happens so quickly- birthing, nursing, walking, talking, toileting, schooling and little by little- growing up. Little by little they leave the sanctuary of mama and move out into the world. And little by little all of parenthood is a series of small good-byes. Little by little we release them into the world. Sometimes my mama heart aches as I watch my big boys orbiting in lives that are foreign to me. Sometimes I remember the ease of holding their warm bodies in loving arms, when all their needs were met easily within the orb of my own being. I never once deluded myself into thinking that they belonged to me, rather I have always been grateful for the rare and exquisite gift of loving them and being loved by them. And now, little by little, they are becoming big boys in a big world and I am watching them from greater distances as they grow and evolve far beyond the orb of my arms. Ah motherhood…it remains my most tenacious teacher.
When everything looks bleak and the darkness cramps against the cold, it takes courage to simply look out from imagined isolation toward the wide horizon of beauty available in every moment. It takes courage to lean into the sea of life and trust the tide. When weary limbs no longer support us, it takes courage to trust our inner buoyancy and float. It takes courage, in the face of darkness, to remember the light and sit in all our apparent blindness and listen, silently, to the still, small whisper within. It takes courage, in that dark hour, when nothing else remains. Eyes closed. Eyes opened. A glimpse, a memory, a fleeting vision of a light so bright it blurs the borders of things seen and things perceived into a comprehensive wholeness of being. It takes courage.
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