It all happens so quickly- birthing, nursing, walking, talking, toileting, schooling and little by little- growing up. Little by little they leave the sanctuary of mama and move out into the world. And little by little all of parenthood is a series of small good-byes. Little by little we release them into the world. Sometimes my mama heart aches as I watch my big boys orbiting in lives that are foreign to me. Sometimes I remember the ease of holding their warm bodies in loving arms, when all their needs were met easily within the orb of my own being. I never once deluded myself into thinking that they belonged to me, rather I have always been grateful for the rare and exquisite gift of loving them and being loved by them. And now, little by little, they are becoming big boys in a big world and I am watching them from greater distances as they grow and evolve far beyond the orb of my arms. Ah motherhood…it remains my most tenacious teacher.
Some days, you just have to forget about ‘healing’. You have to stop trying to feel better, trying to overcome your emotional wounds, or trying to be anywhere other than where you are. You have to embrace the day as it is. And you have to give yourself the most sacred permission of all: To shatter. To break. To be an ugly mess. To lean into a place of utter humility and powerlessness in yourself. To cry out to the heavens, “I can’t do this!” To admit utter defeat in the loss of the life you had imagined. To crumble to the ground, lonely and hopeless and profoundly ruined. To want to die, even. And there, in the darkest places, in the blackness of the underworld, you may begin to rediscover... life. And learn to love the beginnings. A sacred reboot: A single breath. The way the sun warms your face. The sound of a tiny bird singing in the tree over there. The raw simplicity of a single moment of human existence. Hell has been transmuted, thr...





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