On Monday morning I had a seizure.
In life I have seldom settled into the inherent vulnerability
of being human, nor acknowledged, with any kind of grace, the burning desire to
be cared for and nurtured by “other”. I have diligently cultivated
self-sufficiency, independence, competence and strength. I have given to others with abandon but found
receiving difficult and receiving nurturance nigh impossible.
That approach to life no longer feeds me.
It is as necessary to accept care and to receive it, as it is to pour it forth in giving. Crying in my Godfather’s arms after the shock wore off, attended by
a warm tropical breeze and the songs of Hawaiian birds and water, in a home so
beautiful that it belongs on the cover of Dwell magazine, I felt safe and cared
for. Not just by a beloved human other
but by the whole of life. And all of
Life seemed to be whispering softly and caringly within the grace of its own
mystery, “I’ve got you. You are okay.”
In its own unique way the body with its heart procedures,
head injury, seizure and quirks offers an opportunity to embrace human
vulnerability and the long silenced desire to be cared for and to RECEIVE. All of this on an island in the Pacific
Ocean, surrounded by unspeakable beauty, cradled by aloha and an unparalleled
sense of “It is okay. It is all okay”.
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