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This is it

Back when I was guru hopping, I went to see yet another visiting, living saint in my hair-on-fire pursuit of... what was I pursuing? I don't even remember. Enlightenment? Freedom from suffering?  Some hoped for supreme good-enoughness. When I arrived the sanctuary was draped in flowers and shrouded in silence.  All the devotees were gnawing on greens and clad in white with a sort of pained, trying-hard-to-be-spiritual expression that looked more like constipation combined with penitent guilt and sadness, overlaid with a thin smile.  In a very short time I realized I needed to leave before I began stripping down to sexy nothingness, swigging whiskey and cursing like a sailor in some existential rant to balance the multitudes.
For all the seekers out there, I have a gentle and groundbreaking reminder... there is no spiritual journey...
no far shore on which to arrive...
T H I S   I S   I T.
I know that pisses the mind off.
F**k you Angelina!
Minds are conditioned to be dissatisfied with what IS... our dissatisfaction keeps our attention chasing the next almighty carrot.  But are we ever really dissatisfied with the moment or just our ideas about it and all the thoughts that swirl around it.  Sometimes it gets so damn twisted its hard to see which way is up.
The spiritual bug bit me when I was a wee little thing and I shudder to think of the years I walked around trying hard to be good enough and feeling utterly miserable and unworthy.  I cringe at how many people got the, "Fuck you I'm on a spiritual journey" message. It takes some of us a while to realize that how we show up in this moment and as this moment IS the whole shebang.
Does that mean our shit doesn't stink and our face beams with beatific oblivion? 
No thank you.  
It just means we are showing up as fully as we are able, moment-by-moment, right here where we are and dropping the bullshit of "who I am" that interferes with that honest arrival.
It's like being a lover in love for the first time, with the teacup steaming nearby, the sing-song bird talk out the window, the clickety-clack of a keyboard under fingers and the tick-tock clock amidst the warmth of a summer breeze. Fully present we are simply a lover in love with this moment... the journey is secondary... 95% of our attention is consumed by the breathtaking, simplicity of here and now and 5% is aware of our left foot on the ground.
This is it... clad in white or stretched out in primal nakedness... this is it.

Comments

Nancye said…
You said it girl!
Love you,
Nancye
August 3, 2018 at 10:58 AM
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