A month ago Bodhi came into the kitchen with my phone in hand and said, "Listen Mom, I want to put you on a dating app." I balked. He countered, "Just listen a minute, with Owen gone and me growing up you just don't have much connection anymore. You deserve to be loved mom. We don't want you to be alone."
I hugged him and took my phone, on which he'd already downloaded some app called Hinge. I deleted it. He asked me to think about it. I did. I even tried eHarmony for a few weeks. I went on a few masked and distanced dates.
Here's what I learned: I DO NOT LIKE DATING APPS.
I probably don't much like dating. I don't like cocktail parties either. I'm easily overwhelmed by human maneuverings and terrible at small talk. I am also not an easy chemistry or person to match. I feel life fully and don't consider that a weakness. After years of relationship mishaps, I am only interested in dating someone with a secure attachment style who isn't looking for ideals but is willing to walk through life, hand in hand. come what may.
I deleted the account.
I cried.
And decided to take the advice I have always given other people:"Keep your eyes up and heart open." Love will have to show up in my life, old school, but I appreciate my teenagers loving observation.
We could all use more connection these days.
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