angelbirdflies

I apologise to my minions of non-reading readers who may or may not be out there. I have been temporarily offline and unable to upload anything of pertinent value or impertinence for that matter. I write this brief quip by way of explanation in hopes of utter absolution. Amen As a bribe I include a poor resolution picture of a fabulous mural my students did in honor of Leo Lionni and Fall.

Frida, Ash Ketchum (pokemon trainer), Diego Rivera and lil' dragon.

Don't say that I will depart tomorrow -- even today I am still arriving. Look deeply: every second I am arriving to be a bud on a Spring branch, to be a tiny bird, with still-fragile wings, learning to sing in my new nest, to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower, to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone. I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry, to fear and to hope. The rhythm of my heart is the birth and death of all that is alive. I am the mayfly metamorphosing on the surface of the river. And I am the bird that swoops down to swallow the mayfly. I am the frog swimming happily in the clear water of a pond. And I am the grass-snake that silently feeds itself on the frog. I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones, my legs as thin as bamboo sticks. And I am the arms merchant, selling deadly weapons to Uganda. I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat, who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate. And I am the pirate, my heart not yet cap...

This was Shane's first trip to a pumpkin patch. He was so excited, like a child, he clapped his hands and kept looking at each pumpkin to determine which was the best, he finally decided on a large albino pumpkin with a promising shape. Owen selected a small round pumpkin, while I went for size and chose one I could hardly lift. The boys ate meat of every description, sold by the vendors and then went on a twirling ride that turned Shane a subtle shade of green. It was a fabulous time, made better by the company and the shifting, changing celebration of the Season.

Shane, Owen, Bodhi and I were fortunate enough to bask in the royal splendor of golden leaf on azure sky. Bodhi loved hiking, he particularly liked the constant parade of admirers on the trail. Leaves are dazzling the hillsides with a parade of color and a dance of twirling gold. It was a magical day.

I went to Owen's school today and while I was waiting outside his classroom I overheard a conversation going on in the kindergarten room. Glancing over, I saw a teacher sitting primly in a red plastic chair. Her tone severe, she lectured her young audience who attended to everything in the room except her voice. "Scissors are NOT used to cut crayons or playdo. They are ONLY for cutting paper. We cut paper to learn the skill of cutting. We study bears because they are interesting. Tommy, pay attention, Bears ARE interesting. Hands in your lap Susan. Eyes on me. Eyes on ME. Bears are interesting and you are learning important skills that will prepare you for the first grade. Excuse me, excuuuuse me. I am waiting. Kindergartners sit quietly and don't talk when I am talking." The lecture went on and on. I found myself imagining a flock of birds trapped in a cage, or monkeys carted off to an experimental lab, or something wild being stripped down and tamed. ...

Bodhi seems to unconsciously understand the power of a full throttle smile. Living his life at a full tilt, he reminds me of the beauty and joy contained in each breath. What a gift.

Minding our own business we were interrupted by a cacophony of music, which seemed to be issuing from a marching band on the front porch. We rushed outside to see a parade passing by our front door. HOW RANDOM IS THAT. It was the Lakewood Tiger Homecoming Parade and it wound its way through our neighborhood. Shane and Owen got all jazzed up, put on their orange and went out to the big game.

We celebrated Owen's unbirthday this weekend, complete with crown, unpresents (toothbruth, old ball, and a miniature velvet painting kit), potato bar and unbirthday cupcakes. We had a marvelous time. Owen playing KING and Bodhi entertaining as the appointed jester.

It has been a while since I wrote my last post. Truthfully, I began to feel it was a somewhat narcissistic endeavor, as I imagine only a relative few ever read these words. Still, I write, not because I anticipate an audience, but simply because writing is in my nature. I have been suffering from a devastating case of sleep deprivation. Our Bodhi sunshine recently swore off prolonged periods of rest and has consequently relegated my beta waves to the distant past. I brought him to the doctor, fearing that he was suffering from a strange and dangerous virus that caused children to waken every thirty minutes. We spent a few restless minutes, closeted in an examining room lined with monkeys- stuffed, painted and photographed- preparing for the worst. The doctor offered an indulgent and slightly patronizing smile and said that Bodhi was most likely suffering from social dependent sleep disruption (or something to that effect). It sounded ominous but not lethal. She went on to tell...

I used to be 'Nice'. You know, the kind of 'nice' that talks with a quiet voice and smiles sweetly, ignoring rude comments with apparent grace and lying down at each threshold to provide a doormat for the next person to enter over. A 'nice' that usually results in leaking anger, rather than expressing it, thereby toxifying the undercurrent and polluting the body. Yeah, that kind of nice. Now, it seems that I am becoming more genuine. Don't get me wrong, I am often smiling and ignoring things that don't matter, but if I get ruffled now, I growl. Today, I was confronted by a very rude, middle aged woman, intent on berating someone and I was the nearest person to her in the store. She made an obnoxious comment, that the 'nice' Angelina would have responded to with a smile and a swift apology for existing(swallowing the immediate impulse of retaliation, by imagining any number of possible situations in the woman's life which might have prov...

Last night Owen, Mojo and I, went to see the upcoming Broadway musical, The Little Mermaid , at the Ellie Caulkins Opera House in Denver. It was MAGNIFICENT. More than that, it was wonderful beyond words. The little girl in my heart, couldn't stop smiling and glowing. I recommend it to anyone who has the opportunity to see it. On our way home, Owen and I got into a deep philosophical conversation. One thing led to another and I said that my deepest wish was to fully realize the truth that I am not a body, but an expression of all there is and realize it so much that all there is begins consciously breathing me (well that and getting to be a Mermaid). Owen said, "But Mom you can do that already". I laughed, assuming he was joking and he said, "No mom really. You just have to close your eyes and say I AM those things and think about them without thinking of anything else and for that moment you are what you are wishing for". Surprised, I smiled, "Ye...

Shane initiated a mock game show, Be a Millionaire , with Owen tonight after supper. I missed some of the details but the gist of it was that Owen could win or lose exorbitant amounts of imaginary money for catching a specified number of disks. In the end they wagered all the money he had won (several billion dollars) for having all his heart desired. He won and was giddy with excitement. Every pore in his body was vibrating with enthusiasm. Then Shane (alias, Billy Billerson) upped the ante, asking Owen if he was willing to wager all his heart desires in exchange for the ability to give the people he loves what their hearts desired. If he lost, he lost everything and if he won, he would win it all. His face was serious and sweat rivulets streamed down his forehead. "I'll Do It!", he exclaimed. Shane (aka Billy) threw the disks and Owen caught them. He was jumping up and down. I don't think I have ever seen him so happy. He wouldn't play anymore after ...

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am entirely unable to sustain communication, written or conversed, without a heavy dose of authenticity. Today, I am seeing the world through the blurry vision of my bodies' eyes. I went to work this morning feeling fine, but by the time I picked up Bodhi I developed a strong sensation of vertigo combined with a mental fog and shaky extremities. These things are only peripherally new to me. I have been surprised by my body many times, both wonderfully and painfully, in the past several years. I have come to believe that inhabiting a body is an interesting thing. It is simultaneously, marvelous and confusing. Having physical maladies serve two fold. In one respect, they can engender a preoccupation, and identification, with the body and its sufferings. While on the other hand, physical pain offers a rare, present moment glimpse at how little we actually know about the body itself. This sort of awareness creates a spaciousness around which ...

We are hosting a BBQ today at 1:00 and already, I am exhausted. We have been cleaning and mowing since yesterday. It is so much fun and we are behaving like little kids getting ready for it. I love summer and friends. I love potlucks and BBQ's. I love it all.

Invitation to one and all. Visit my other blog at www.babblingbookbabes.blogspot.com We are beginning an blogspot bookclub and would love to have a new member, particularly considering that at the moment there are only 2.

Hey gang, help me out with this. I took the test three times and got a different Daemon each time. In the end I got the bad monkey. I either don't know myself or I don't know my essence. Owen came up a fox- very appropriate Check out Shane's Daemon too

Owen has been my backdoor teacher since the day he was born. He continually teaches me how to soften and open. The most recent lesson surrounds a gameboy. I have a distinct prejudice and unwavering dislike for the technological brain suckers and have long maintained that my children will not play with video games. I, however, am not the only parent and, in Illinois, Owen has the opportunity to play with gameboys, nintendos and a variety of videos. He loves them. He came home this time and I witnessed the pain and difficulty he was having transitioning from one lifestyle to another. I realized that my beliefs and ideals, although well researched and founded, didn't help him. I relinquished. The game boy arrived in the mail last week and although it has some stringent boundaries, he is happily playing Pokemon an hour a day. As for me, I comfort myself with the hope that my bending has a softening effect on the righteousness of my ideals and short circuits some of my control...

Bodhi is fearless. He pulls himself up in precarious form, onto anything vertical. He then attempts to launch himself in the direction he wants to go. You read that correctly, he doesn't attempt a single step just throws his body toward his destination. The resulting fall rarely even phases him, while I am a blur of activity trying to redirect and distract. Whew! What a wild and wonderful boy.