angelbirdflies

It all happens so quickly- birthing, nursing, walking, talking, toileting, schooling and little by little- growing up.  Little by little they leave the sanctuary of mama and move out into the world. And little by little all of parenthood is a series of small good-byes.  Little by little we release them into the world.  Sometimes my mama heart aches as I watch my big boys orbiting in lives that are foreign to me.  Sometimes I remember the ease of holding their warm bodies in loving arms, when all their needs were met easily within the orb of my own being.  I never once deluded myself into thinking that they belonged to me, rather I have always been grateful for the rare and exquisite gift of loving them and being loved by them.  And now, little by little, they are becoming big boys in a big world and I am watching them from greater distances as they grow and evolve far beyond the orb of my arms. Ah motherhood…it remains my most tenacious teacher. ...

Owen is fourteen now. FOURTEEN.  He is a beautiful young man, full of big thoughts, a loving heart and a deep soul.  I am profoundly grateful for the opportunity to be his mom.

Hiking with my boys remains one of my favorite Mama activities and when one of them volunteers for a trip up a mountain my heart sings a little tune all the way up. Bodhi woke on Sunday and decided he would like to join mom up a trail.  As he hikes he is a philosopher half the time, discussing big ideas and deep wonderings along the trail. This time he composed a few impromptu poems: Cars and homes below, Sky above, A valley. Flowers like sunshine on green stalks, Line the trail, In Springtime .  He is growing so fast...sometimes my heart aches seeing the shift in my mothering take place as my boys no longer need warm arms holding them or lullabies carrying them safely to sleep.  They know their mama's love is never far from reach and I suppose, at times, that is enough.

When I first decided to study Montessori it was partially due to a dream I had in which I was standing in a small wooden school/alter at the edge of our farm and on the wall hung a beautiful painting of one of my Italian female ancestors and Maria Montessori.  As I looked at the image, Maria stepped out from the painting and held out her hand toward me.  She opened her fingers and exposed a beautiful egg.  In the dream I felt that she was offering me the egg as a metaphor for the future and a challenge to go forth and evolve early childhood education.   I began my first Montessori training program a few months later. Now I am studying the Reggio Emilia approach to early childhood education while in Italy.  I  thought many times of her during the days of lecture and I thought of her challenge.   Yesterday I found myself standing  before this tomb while wondering through an elaborate cemetery in Reggio.  In that moment I felt the stre...

 Here is a shout out to my travel sistah' Kirsten and Pal Ina. Kirsten was a fabulous traveling companion, thoroughly capable of changing directions on a dime, non plussed by getting lost and found a dozen times daily, open to any restaurant.  We are both free spirits and equally adventurous.  It was a fabulous traveling experience without anyone asking what our plans were since neither of us ever really had one.

 Milan...fashion, graffiti, and lots of city!!!!!  I am gearing for my trip home and imagining the next trip to Italy.  Perhaps I will fly into Turino and head directly to the Amalfi coast. Preferably with my David and Owen, both of whom would love this place. Italy would be much more fun with David's arms around me and his camera capturing shots, and with Owen oogling the sights for the first time.  As it was we discovered that  Italian men can be very aggressive.  We were grabbed, chased, followed and yelled at.  Ah female objectification seems to be a universal concern I leave tomorrow morning for home.

 We slept til 11AM.  Literally.  Then pulled ourselves together and went out wandering in the city.  The colors here are so beautiful, each one playing off the other in a palette of Tuscan beauty.  I have to say that my nature soul is missing soft earth and the open splendor of wide horizons but the brick and stone streets curving down alleys opening onto inviting piazzas are beautiful in their own right.  There is an inordinate amount of graffiti here and all of it appears to be fairly recent.  It is interesting.  This one struck me.  The artist suggesting a bunny, projecting a shadow hand onto the wall, was such a wonderful inside-out perspective.  It reminded me of one of the lessons of this trip, drop your assumptions of what IS and allow space for what can BE. I'm looking forward to a return trip home on Saturday into David's arms and my boys' sweet smiles.  

 So dinner was FANTASTIC!! We went to a fabulous restaurant on a little side street.  I was with a gaggle of women led by two of our instructors and the restaurant we had initally set off for was closed. We began wandering down alleys in search of possibilities when we spotted a lovely Italian couple.  In my very worst italian and very biggest smile I asked them "Dove' bene ristorante?"  To which she replied in perfect English that there were a number to choose from and pointed us in the direction of 61.1 where she and her husband were dining for the evening.  We walked together over cobblestone streets to glass doors that opened onto a beautiful room with great art, ambiance, people and FOOD.  We ate with abandon and talked for the next three hours.  I love Italy!  How there is no real rush and everything is intentionally slowed down so that life can be savored.  Now off to bed.  Ciao!

I found this graffiti on a wall in the piazza below and stopped in front of it.  Being called Bird for most of my life there was a dreamlike moment when it seemed as if those words were written on that wall specifically for me.  A message in Italy.  I felt my Grande's hand press mine from her spirit vantage and whisper cara mia in my ear. Life is Beauty-full.  It took me awhile to get my wings and see that...really see that...but it is beauty full.  I am thankful beyond words for my David who taught me the value of giving AND receiving love and for my two boys who remind me daily to see beauty everywhere and add more wherever I go.  And I am grateful for each of you, for all the beauty you bring, every day and wherever you are.  I love you!  And here is an Italian selfie...40's really are wonderful.

 I spent the day in Reggio Emila. This morning began with a walk after breakfast of shaved meat and some blue corn tortilla chips I had with me from home.   Next, we convened as a group at the Loris Malaguzzi Center for an orientation and introductions.  For lunch they served us an incredible meal and for me they had gluten free tortellini and pasta and pizza with a big salad and steamed vegetables...HELLO ITALY!  It was wonderful.  I spoke with so many amazing educators from around the world.  I ended up in a deep conversation with a beautiful Reggio liaison from Israel.  She was an inspiration and reminded me of the deep value in developing WHO we are in order to see real changes in HOW we operate.  Next, we went on a walking tour of the city.  My group was led by Amelia Gambetti's husband and he showed us the city through a lens of history and story telling.  Now we prepare for a late supper with a few friends.  It is beau...

 Love is.  Life is.  One.  Consider the lillies, they toil not and neither do they sow and yet Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these. Miracles are all around us, in every blade of grass, ray of sunshine and whistle of song bird. Relax.

I was seven years old and it was my first recollected trip to Disney Land with my two brothers, Danny and Davey, ages 5 and 9 respectively.  My younger brother, Danny, and I were joined at the proverbial hip, mouths hanging slightly agape, eyes filled with wonder, mouse ears and an overload of color.  My elder brother Davey, wanted to ride Space Mountain, a ride that was no doubt thrilling for him but filled my younger brother with a belly rumbling sense of dread.   Danny and I were safety harnessed into what felt like our doom and a large bar was lowered and latched in front of us. We sat hands gripped, white-knuckles exposed, breath faltering.  Danny was expressly terrified and I worried over his response to our impending end.  My older brother sat in front of us, grinning broadly, hungrily ready to set off.  The ride jostled forward at what seemed like a break-neck speed and Danny clung to my arm, screaming with ear splitting terror. ...

The evening rolls toward it's slumbering end.  Owen finishes up his calls to Illinois family.  Bodhi still denies any hint of exhaustion and sings audibly invented songs with the enthusiasm of a drunken sailor.  The dog's tags rattle as she makes her well worn trek to the water bowl.  Bodhi's pet rats scurry from freshly filled food bowl back to their hammock bed, no doubt filling the cage with mess as they go. Bodhi's bawdy chant changes to "tucky, tuck, Bodhi in-y", which means he is finally ready to give in to the night. Kisses. Hugs. Tuck-Tuck. Owen calls out that he is ready.  Thirteen with temporary amnesia anytime he encounters me in the presence of peers, he still asks for his "tuck-time" when the lights go out. Bodhi's snores fill our quiet house. Ahh.  Peace.  Gratitude. A house full of boy-love and memories fresh from a day overflowing with gifts. Motherhood.

Heart Surgery. Brain Trauma. Holidays. A trio that may at first seem less than sublime but together they have united to bring me more blessings then I could have hoped for. It has been a season full of unexpected gifts, lessons and insights. On November 18th I underwent a fairly simple heart surgery.  I was able to remain conscious and meditating throughout the nearly five hour procedure and was astonished by the peace and well being I felt throughout.  Following the surgery I had some unexpected complications which led to extreme fatigue and periodic syncope. A serious concussion occurred a week later.  I was unconscious for some time.  Upon waking, I couldn't remember my children for several hours or who I was.  I couldn't assimilate speech or complex thought.  I am just now remembering how to process written word and to write. For the past month, my well exercised brain has been quietly simple.  For days on end I sat contentedly without boo...

'Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.' -   Eckhart Tolle

Here is a newsletter article I recently wrote for school...I thought I would share it with anyone who wanted to read it: I have been an early childhood educator for twelve years and a mother for over thirteen.  When I considered what topic to write about for this article, I had so many competing ideas.  Most of them derived from my graduate work this year and the many things I am learning and practicing in the studio environment.  I started several articles but there remained one topic, more than any other, that demanded my attention and that was the principle of enough love .  Several years ago, I became aware of the slippery slope of too much doing.  As a single mom, I realized how easily I could overlook the quiet and unobtrusive invitations by life to show up fully present.  Each day we are invited to fully embrace the gifts of the moment and savor opportunities to be wholly available with those we love.  As a busy mom I knew that the two pe...